Lurky Menaces and Bamboo Plant Thingys

While going through my nightly routine I suddenly hear a strange and ominous noise.  Of course I'm locked in the bathroom and my phone is elsewhere.  Armed with a can of air freshener and a comb (pointy end out) I decide to check it out. Leaving the bathroom I notice the front door is slightly ajar. After soiling myself I think that it must be because my roommate left in such a rush to get to work that she didnt fully close the door. 

That's the logical side.  However I still decide to check out the 4 places that some menace could be hiding.  Thankfully there was no one lurking in the closets or behind the small bamboo plant thing. 

This left the balcony. 

Suddenly I had a flash of any horror movie I've seen where the damsel (that's me) checks out the menacing noise and is promptly dismembered. This is when I decided to close and lock the balcony door (on the 24th floor) in order to show the murderer/cannibal menace who the boss is. Then promptly turned on all the lights and ran back to the security of my bedroom. 

So far. No menace. 

Lesson learned?  I have a slightly over active imagination. 

I hope the lurky menace doesn't have an axe... Or know how to pick a flimsy lock. 

Happiness for my Coworkers

A coworker, let's call him Bason, is going on vacation shortly but I couldn't remember when exactly he was going.  When asking him today he thought I said where.

"Oh, Berlin, Amsterdam and..."

At that point I started tuning out.  My jealousy Unicorn reared her beautiful green head ( I like to picture her as a majestic mint green Unicorn...I like to picture everything as a Unicorn...deal) and it makes hearing difficult sometimes.  

"No, I said when"

"Oh, tomorrow"

....

"I hate you"

He laughed it off like it's something I usually say; then we went our separate ways.   My everyday responses usually involve something along the lines of hatred or "your ugly".  I began to wonder.  Is that an appropriate response to give?  Should I have said something along the lines of 

"Wow, Bason, that's awesome, I'm really happy for you.  You've been working so hard, you deserve it."

Isn't that the human thing to do?  Be supportive of one another?  Of course I'm happy for Bason.  I'm also happy for my other coworker... Cryan... who is going to LA for a few days and then the Cook Islands (also tomorrow).  As I think of this Juniper the Jealousy Unicorn appears out of the corner of my eye; shaking her glorious main in protest.

"NO Laureen!!  You are NOT happy!  You have to stay in lame Calgary"

(she says this with her piercing glare)

"The last coworkers that went on vacation didn't even bring you a gaudy keychain... a KEYCHAIN!!  That's all you wanted.  Let your 5th cup of coffee in the day help fuel your ragousy (rage and jealousy).  Sssssssh... It won't be okay "

....

You're right Juniper.  You. Are. Right.  I should be jealous.  I will silently seethe at my desk.  Frowning like Tard.  Waiting for the 50th keychain to add to my key ring.  I only have 3 keys.  It's barely enough chains.  

I would love a latte.  Thanks Juniper.

Dilemma. Do I really want to put effort in and go out to a movie on a Friday night?

You know how you're only half excited to go out so you pump yourself up by dancing around your living room like a Swedish pop star in a warehouse. 

Then you get tired and have to take a break and you find yourself on Pinterest and next thing you know 30 minutes of your life is gone?  

Then you have to shower because of your swede dance fight with yourself and it takes twice as long because you start having a battle of the mind.  

Should I go out? Should I stay home? Should I shave my legs? Did I just shampoo my hair thrice?

 I PVRd the Five Year Engagement, I really have to put my laundry away that's been sitting in my room for a week, I need to arrange my Pinterest meme's in order if funniest to truth. 

You know. Things that could wait until Saturday night?  No?  Oh. Me neither.